Charmed-A-Bunga
by kaytee83
Summary: Nobody's Hallows Day is a great one. Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great...
1. Default Chapter

I would first of all like to KHAAAA @ fanfiction for in two words 'buggering up' this story. In short, no one could read it cos for some STOOPID reason the it wouldn't OPEN, god damn! This reminds me of bad things, like Paige. Anyway. Repost. Some new bits, not many. Enjoy... again.  
  
  
Disc: I DO own Charmed - whadd'ya say to THAT?!?!  
  
PS - I don't really own Charmed. Please don't sue.  
  
  
  
NOTE: Any similartiy to an actualy episode of Charmed is entirely a coincidence, and is not a result of me writing this while watching Charmed... I think I made my point.  
  
ONE GOOD CHARMED STORY. OH WAIT I LIED!  
  
  
A 'sort of' continuation of Charmed-O-Rama. Except with a crapper name. And that it doesn't start where "O-Rama" left off (remember - with the "Get out of the milk!" thingy? No? Well screw you then!).  
  
  
Chapateros Unos: Gettin' Jibbed By The Enemy  
  
  
Phoebe was sitting in the book-lender (A/N *look Stephanie I learned!*: Phoebe's vocabulary has been used here, but a definition will be included in brackets for those who are too intellectually superior to understand her childish ramblings - therefore - book-lender = library) 'studying her ass off'. She squeaked her pink (but sadly, not fluffy) highlighter over the page noisily and began stuffing her little candy-assed face with crisps.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said to the girl at the next table who was now staring at her, "but, you know, I'm just so darn greedy! Oh, and I'm not really sorry. Bye!" Phoebe skipped out.  
  
The girl, who turned out also to be retarded, went to get another book, holding her finger in the one she was using to keep her place, but then realised she'd have to actually get her fat ass up, so just forgetting it.   
  
Phoebe flounced down the steps of the book-lender (and not even having been lent any books!) singing to herself: "Let my love show you there's a brighter day-"  
  
"Ha!" some random guy shouted to her across the street, "Maybe if you had a boyfriend!" he ran away giggling like a schoolgirl. After being too stoopid (stupid. Come on - you had to get THAT one!) to see the insult, Phoebe bounced onwards.   
  
* * *  
  
Back at the f*ck-off pink mansion, Prue was brushing her teeth in the bathroom, while shouting to Piper who was in the shower.  
  
"So I CAN come in there then?" Prue shreiked shrilly, like some sort of deranged... deranged person.   
  
Then Piper entered. "Prue! What the f*ck are you doing?" she yelled, hitting Prue with the metal baseball bat that somehow materialised in her hand. "Thanks KT," she shouted in acknowledgement of my kindness of providing her with the Prue-hitting instrument. It was no problemo, Piper!  
  
Leo yanked back the shower curtain. "Piper!" he yelped. "What are you doing here?" Piper looked bewildered that her was more shocked to see his wife than Prue.  
  
Prue spat out her toothpaste in an extremely unattractive manner. "Nice orbs! she spluttered.  
  
"Well I'll tell you one thing I'm NOT doing anymore! You!" Piper snapped and stormed out. Burn! Way to go Piper!  
  
Prue stepped forward shyly. "I'll do you!" she fluttered her eyelashes and shook her... hair.   
  
* * *  
  
Piper was fuming in the kitchen, chopping carrots amongst other things which would bring sudden death if made into a potion, when Phoebe hopped in. "Hey Panpipes!" she said cheerily.  
  
"Gyyyeah I just hate Prue so much!"  
  
"Gyyyeah bad or gyyyeah good?" Phoebe frowned. "Hey do we have any S Club 7 cds?"  
  
"Bad, and I wish" Piper replied, sighing.   
  
Phoebe yawned. "So there's this ghost at the book-lender".  
  
'Huh,' Piper thought, 'I bet that "ghost" hasn't even died yet'. Aloud, she said "Really?" in the most bored sounding voice ever.  
  
"So how do you tell someone it's the end of their life?" Phoebe axed (asked).  
  
"Easy - like this: it's the end of your life." Piper smiled maliciously then plunged the knife which materialised in her hand into Phoebe's stomache. "Thanks KT!" she shouted to the roof. No problemo, vixen Piper!  
  
Phoebe was by now coughing blood. "Thanks... sis..." she choked out, "that really... helped!" and she fell to the floor, before physically dragging herself out.  
  
Piper began to whistle. She was in a good mood.  
  
* * *  
  
Prue wandered into the sitting room where Phoebe was immersed in the Evil Book (Book of Shadows), and also in 'staunching the bleeding'. "What're you doing, Pixie?" she asked good humouredly.  
Phoebe clipped Prue's nose in the 'BOS'. "I think it's obvious, that I am looking up a spell to disappear my Demon!"   
  
Prue rubbed her bleeding nose. "Owie!" she said, and walked away.  
  
"I'm home!" Piper yelled, slamming the door angrily behind her, although she wasn't angry at all. In fact, when did Piper even leave the house? Honestly - I have NO control over these buffoons whatsoever! Anyway, Prue and Phoebe grabbed her, spun her around and almost shoved her out the door again. "Woah where're we going?" she yelped.  
  
"Just shut up and walk," Prue yelled, jibbing (which is like... poking) the knife into Piper's back.  
  
"Who the f*ck's that?" Piper screamed at the random girl in her house.  
  
"That's Phoebe, silly!" Prue laughed.  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
They went out. Fine. Don't say bye then. B*tches.  
  
* * *  
  
They meandered into the library. Phoebe picked up a book and promptly got sucked into a portal.   
  
"Oh, nice one," Piper moaned, "woolly pink idiot that she is. Well, go in and save her with the spell that all of us learnt off by heart and only need the power of one to use. Go on. Get!"  
  
Prue astral-p'd out.  
  
* * *  
  
And astral-p'd into the... basement? "Oh please!" she griped, "What kind of evil demon hideout is this?" Then she saw the demon raise his big hella sceptre thingy and attempt to lob Phoebe's head off. He missed. "Damn," Prue yelped, "you missed, you big lunk! Oh well, may as well vanquish you with the spell that all of us learnt off by heart and only need the power of one to use."   
  
"Good idea!" said Phoebe, not thinking for a second that... no, wait, just not thinking.  
  
"Demon of evilness be vanquished!" Prue yelled and the demon f*cked off. Now why couldn't Phoebe have done that in the first place, instead of tiring poor Prue out by making her assssstral project and use 'precious-Prue' energy? Did I just say that?  
  
"Well that was... um..." Prue couldn't be bothered even pretending to like Phoebe, so astralled out. Thank god, thought she was never gonna leave. Phoebe mosied out after her.  
  
* * *  
  
In the street, Prue rushed over to some random guy and engaged herself in conversation. She called him Mr Wilson, but it was obvious he had never seen her in his life. She talked about some kid he'd had who had been murdered, and he pretended to go along with her. But it didn't mean he had to be nice about it!  
  
"Are you okay, Mr Wilson?" Prue asked, unaware of the disgusting odour coming from her... hair.  
  
Slowly, he looked at the three of them, wearing all their stoopid clothes. "No. I just realised she's still dead!" he shouted and slapped them all. Crying, the three Chosen-Ones-Who-Are-All-Powerful-And-Fearless ran away in terror.   
  
Piper ducked into P3 while Phoebe and Prue went back to the f*ck off pink mansion. Prue plonked her ass in front of the TV while Phoebe began to talk to herself. Then Prue chloroformed Phoebe randomly, piled her into their jeep which is taller than them and sped her off to P3.  
  
* * *  
  
"I signed dad's card." Phoebe said when she'd came to.  
  
Piper held it up for Prue to sign.   
  
"No," Prue said, "I'm way too cool."  
  
"Fine," Piper said huffily, then sneakily turned around and scralwed 'Proo' on the card. "Heh heh," she giggled, "not only do I get to spite Prue, but I also make her look like a retard who can't spell her own name!"  
  
It was nine PM and way past Phoebe's bed time, so Piper closed up the club and they went home hand in hand.  
  
Overall, it was a good day.  
  
  
  
  
  
Da da!!! See what I have to do make Charmed even more amusing?? Can you guess which episode that was NOT based on and any siliarities were entiely coincidental? Can ya? Can ya???  
  
*hates fanfiction at the moment* 


	2. Astral Funky

Remember b*tches, whenever Phoebe is in the room, it is conceivable she will have a stoopidity leak into my brain and I will use some of her vocabulary. However, each weird and wonderful 'expression' will be hella explained in the brackets that follow. Now bugger off!  
  
  
  
Astral Funky  
  
  
The doctor dood picked up the phone. "Look - surely you've acknowledged my project. 90 days ago Piper Halliwell was admitted to this hella hospital with some big mental disease. Then she was randomly cured of it. Here's my question: how did it happen?" he then began to shout in a rage. "WHY THE HELL DID PIPER HALLIWELL NOT DIE!?!" he slammed the phone down, then injected himself with blood samples from the three sisters he'd found lying in a dumpster outside San Francisco's local whore-house.   
  
* * *  
  
"It would be so cool if a monkey astral-projected right into my shot," Prue said as she was taking photos of some random 'celebrity'. Nothing happened. "I said," she raised her voice, "It would be so cool if a monkey astral-projected right into my shot!"  
  
"Who the f*ck are you talking to?" said Evan Groan, trying to look sexy for Prue but failing. Yech - is he blind?  
  
* * *  
  
Leo orbed in and whispered into Piper's ear. "Ever done it on a cloud?"  
  
"Does a feather bed count?" Phoebe whipped around, and pounced on Leo.  
  
He struggled to break loose. "First of all, NO! A feather bed does NOT count! And second," he shoved her off, "I thought you were Prue- I mean, Piper"  
  
Phoebe raised her head to study him from the floor where he'd thrown her. "Piper has a funny scar in her eyebrow" she said.  
  
Leo slapped her and left the room.  
  
* * *  
  
Phoebe came bounding through to the kitchen where Prue was standing being retarded holding a hooooge bunch of flowers. She handed them to Prue, scowling.  
  
Prue was about to smell the flowers when Phoebe growled viciously and scratched her face up. It was quite funny. Prue would possibly scar - how koo!  
  
Piper and Leo entered, then realised they were naked, so left again. Moments later, they were back.  
  
"So what's the goss?" Piper teehee'd (giggled) nervously.   
  
Prue took the helm. "A monkey," she paused for effect. And received none. "Astral projected to me on the set".  
  
"A monkey?" Piper echoed.  
  
"A monkey," Prue repeated, sounding slightly reminiscent of her fantabulous role in Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.   
  
They talked about it for a few minutes, but it's too boring for me to write, so I'll just skip it.  
  
"BOS" Prue said, and they all left except for Phoebe.  
  
"BOS, BOS," she mused. "Oh, right! Book of Shadows! I thought it was called the Evil Book..." Prue came back and smacked her with the flowers.   
  
* * *  
  
Piper, Prue and Phoebe (in order of ultimoso coolness) entered the brain room (laboratory) and saw three monkeys in cages, with their names. Oh wait - something's not quite right. I think Prue's about to point it out for us though!  
  
"Hey! There's two Pipers! And no Prues!" Prue squeaked, obviously upset.   
  
She scribbled her name on a piece of paper and stuck it to the cage. There. That was what was wrong! Problem solved.  
  
"I wish I was in a cage," she mumbled. The Prue-monkey TK'd a banana across the room. "Piper, Phoebe," Prue said as the Piper-monkey froze it mid air.   
  
How come you said Piper first?" Phoebe yelped. "I checked. The cages are locked. There's no way of getting these guys outta here. There's a massive padlock on the cages and there's absolutely NO WAY whatsoever to open them!"  
  
Piper walked over to a cage and opened it.  
  
* * *  
  
SCENE MISSING  
  
* * *   
  
They ran into the little office type thing.  
  
"Williamson's long gone," Phoebe said, "unless he was here about three minutes ago, in which case it's not very long..."  
  
Prue smacked her across the face. "We have more important things to worry about! Like how I wore one boot and one sandal today and look really stoopid!"  
  
"Well on the bright side," Piper offered, "maybe people'll think you're homo...less and give you money!"  
  
Prue smiled a very fake smile and proceeded to drag her sisters away by their ears.  
  
* * *  
  
Prue decided, after realising she WELL hated her sisters, to go back to the movie set and see Evan, who at present was in a big stoopid-looking fight scene. Once finitoed, he wandered over to Prue. He pretended to fight her.  
  
"Woah," she said, "I might hurt you!"  
  
He laughed and punched her several times. She fell over, then the entire cast and crew of Evan's movie began to, in a word, smash her. It was comedic.  
  
* * *  
  
When Prue woke up, she was lying in the street next to an alleyway. It was tough when you got beat up then chucked out in the street in a place you didn't recognise. Luckily for her, Piper and Phoebe chose to be there too. They pulled her to her feet.  
  
"Come on Prue - we gotta give that Williamson guy this potion then that hooooge vein in his neck'll disappear!" Phoebe squealed.  
  
"And he'll be cured." Piper added, looking at Phoebe as if she'd missed out the most important part when explaining to Prue what was happening.  
  
They went into the alleyway. Phoebe was scared, and consequently wet her pants.  
  
Dr. Williamson was there, crouched over some guy, about to jib him with a big steely deely (a knife).   
  
"Dr. Williamson," Piper began, then a short conversation ensued. Can you guess it wasn't very interesting? Anyhoo, it ended with them all getting telekinetically chucked all over the place. Piper was slammed into a fence and dropped the bottle of the potion stuff. She drooped her head to the ground, only semi-conscious. She looked like she was waiting for something bad to happen.  
  
He stood on the bottle. THEN Piper looked up. Honestly, what a lazy bum.   
  
* * *  
  
SCENE MISSING  
  
* * *   
  
So it was a little tennis match with the Big Steely Deely (big round spinning blade tye thing) between Panpipes and Prune and the doctor dood. Phoebe just stood and stared blankly at the wall. Then they kicked his ass.  
  
Piper went home and began to cry for some reason. But Leo orbed in because of it, so she was probably fake crying cos she needed some 'special attention'. Downstairs, the other sisters were having almost as much fun with the monkeys.  
  
"Hey monkeys! What do you think of evil?"  
  
All three of the monkeys stuck up their middle fingers. At Phoebe.  
  
FIN!!!!  
  
Remember the other rule - if any of this seemed to jump about and not stick to the story right, it's YOU who must have continually slipped in and out of consciousness and missed vital storylines, it is in no way my fault.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SSSSSSSSSSSSuckers!!!!  
  
Keep watching Charmeded, aftermath ep of series 3 coming soon.  
That special thing I keep going on about, also comng soon.  
  
ADVERTISMENTS - if you write a story that catches my eye, you might find me advertising it to others! Ain't I sweet!  
  
Inferiority by glaspane  
'Prue' and 'You're My Girl' by panpipes  
Arch Sister by Jewel-Halliwell  
Trust by Prujo  
Halliwells In Hogwarts (the sheer funnyness of Harry Potter drew me to this) by CharmedGal005  
  
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY KIDS! Good Luck making the list next time! 


	3. Nobody's Hallows Day

I know this was ages ago, but my big rant is quite comedic, so I left it in. Brain Drain kicked ASS! Best ep ever. Except would've been better had there been a guest star by the name of Shannen in it...  
  
And I added more. To the 'greats' section. Mwa ha ha ha ha... go! Read! Review or I'll cry! I don't care if you've done it before! DO IT AGAIN!!!  
  
  
If you like Paige, I'd advise you to skip this hella long rant and just read the story, which suffice, does not include Paige, ha ha.  
  
So I saw episode three of series 4 last night, and MAN was I soooo mad!!! The CHEEK of that Paige! I hate her I hate her I hate her why wasn't I warned she'd say the most horrible thing anyone has ever said!?!?! "It's okay to hate Prue"? "It's okay to hate Prue"??? At this point I shouted at the TV, "Screw you, bitch - it's okay to hate YOU!!!" I was so mad. Then Piper took a mental at Prue's grave, and I was like "ooh Piper how could you" You know, my theory is this was the writers taking a jab at Shannen Doherty, who LEFT and was not fired. (also they put that she was 31 on her grave... hehehe) But I couldn't have been more pissed off. Grrr can't believe she said that. It's so not okay to hate Prue... NYAHHHH! And how come in Charmed poeple are buried in the wall and not in the ground? My friend pointed out how funny it would be if Prue's corpse fell out on top of Piper when she was smackin her grave. Oh why Prue, why? ANYHOO, there WERE some highlights, for example the first one when Paige called herself a freak (mwa ha) and from then on as Piper turned into a mental with funny markings on her face, and tried to kill everyone - especially Paige who she CONVENIENTLY tried to strangle but failed. Do it right, Panpipes! Yeah - absolute starring performance from my good friend Holly, almost brought a tear to my eye. Almost. And only one eye, not both. And did anyone else find Leo and Cole incredibly annoying? All they did was moan!  
  
Though the good thing about Piper turning crazy was that whenever people told me I was being unrealistic when I made Piper swear all the time, I think that episode proved she is soooo totally capable of it. Which means... all of you were wrong, and I couldn't be more right!!! MWA HA HA! If only they'd showed it after 10pm, then they could include swearing in it... APPP!  
  
Oh yeah - the Prue Count (that's the number of time they say the word 'Prue') was an almighty ELEVEN!!! Way to go! Not like the pithey 8 times last week. Pah! And what is it with everyone fancying Paige? Last time I checked, guys did not find pasty-faced, bug-eyed, stoopid-haired, lollipop-headed, chin-with-a-dent-in-it buffoons like her.  
  
God damn - 'it's okay to hate Prue'? So mad.   
  
Apparently Paige and Phoebe switch bodies next time. I can't think who I feel more sorry for...  
  
Alright, I'm sorry, that was my rant of the... ten minutes. I just can't believe she said that. What a bitch! I just can't... oh, I'm doing it again. Right. (deep breath) Phew. Okay.   
  
  
  
Nobody's Hallow's Day (I can play the opposites game!)  
  
"Come on you idiums!" Prue yelled up the stairs. Piper came out- I mean, down. She was looking... um... interesting in a big pink puffy fairy princess dress which Alyssa Milano would put before her life! Phoebe came downstairs looking like Phoebe, but instead of the obligatory brown to blonde to brown to blonde to brown hair dos she usually sported, she wore a big stoopid wig. Probably to support her G.I. Jane haircut! She started talking some nonsense about how witches are portrayed balh blah blah. But the real action only started, of course, when Prue said her first words of the year:  
  
"It amazes me how you can make a statement and show cleavage at the same time," Prue said, obviously unimpressed.   
  
Smiling at Prue's 'compliment', Phoebe promptly tripped over her own 'assets' which she'd had so much surgery on and now were so big they were trip-over-able!  
  
The doorbell rang and Phoebe answered it. Two bald white doods stood, giving her evils. She laughed in their faces.  
  
"Hey guys, isn't that funny? They look just like the wooahohohooahooahhhwoahohwhoa!" That was seriously the sound she made. The Grimlocks wandered into their nice house and began strangling Piper and Phoebe. It was a very good moment when Prue walked in, because she'd never seen her sisters with stoopider looks on their faces. However, she thought she'd be kind and TK'd the Grimlocks away.  
  
Then a random portal opened and making stupid noises, the girls were sucked through. Leo came... through, and began shouting at the ceiling while Darryl began to think that he should really drink some alcohol. They ran off up into the attic like the useless little children they are.  
  
The Grimlocks exchanged some boring conversation, then followed them.  
  
* * *  
  
400 years previously, a portal opened up in a big grassy field, and the Charmed Ones fell out, landing hard. Mwa ha... anyway. Prue got up and used her vast knowledge to say "This is just a guess, but I'd say we were in 1674 or something on All Hallow's Eve and it's roughly 5:32pm. That's an alter and those," she indicated the shouting men riding horses in their direction, "are witch hunters."  
  
They ran and hid in the bushes like the cowards they were. The witch hunters began to, well, hunt. Some guy found them. He began to raise the alarm.  
  
"Hey! I found them! They're over here! Here!" he looked around. "Guys - where're you going? I said over here!" he looked at the three cowering idiots. "Dammit - I'll get you, just you wait." And he ran off.  
  
The Charmed Ones sighed. Prue wondered what this feeling was that she had about the man. The Charmed Ones then high-fived for no particular reason. Then they got some bags shoved over their heads. Phoebe's was a little tight, and she couldn't breathe properly. Piper couldn't breath at all, which she displayed by collapsing. They were dragged off into this little cave type thing, then were freed from their suffocate-ma-jigs.  
  
A blonde woman was staring at them. She said one word: "Ew." Then she went on to say a big thing about them being good witches because of a doorway blah-de-blah. Piper completely zoned out, Prue engaged herself in silent conversation with a leaf that was sliding across the floor and Phoebe began to wonder when she would get to fly a broomstick.   
  
"I'm Ava," the woman said, "and we sent for you." Prue said something but it wasn't that important. "What do you mean you don't know all this stuff?" Ava demanded, "We sent for you, you came, and now you're gimps?"  
  
"Who did you send for?" Piper grabbed Ava by the thraot and began strangulation.  
  
"Only the most... powerful witches... of all time," Ava choked out.  
  
Prue gave a look that meant she thought it was totally acceptable and believable that someone would think that. About Prue (I know, it's weird for me too).  
  
"Okay, so we're in the past now and I'm wearing a big poofy dress," Piper moaned, "and it's pink!"  
  
Phoebe had never looked more envious of Piper in her life.  
  
And, evidently, all the witches from the past were jealous too, because they made the Charmed Ones undress right in front of them, beat them with small twigs and then very big branches for a while (they SAID it was to authenticate them, to make them look like real witches at the time, but Piper wasn't so sure) and then ordered them to put on different clothes. Phoebe was upset, because she had to do ALL the buttons up.  
  
They left the cave, then triggered some sort of talisman charm thing, which got them caught. They all blamed Phoebe.  
  
"Hang the witches!" everybody shouted. I agreed.  
  
* * *  
  
"Die, witch," the evil dood said to Prue, who squinted at him.  
  
"Yah!" the guys shouted at the horses, saying that word that people seem to think is what you say to make horses run, because they do it in all the movies but probably not in real life. Wow - that sentence was refreshingly long! Only that when they shouted "yah" it actually worked and the horses bolted, dropping the sisters to their inevitable dooms. Phoebe soiled herself, but since she had approximately 0.254 of a second left to live, she didn't really care.   
  
'Is this what it's like to be dead?' Piper thought, realising she didn't want to spend the eternity of her death hanging from this goddamn tree with people she couldn't hate more.  
  
The guy Prue had the hots for wandered underneath them and realised they were still alive. He cut the rope and the Charmed Ones fell to the ground. Splat. "Incompetant fools!" he cried, "they don't even know how to hang people properly anymore! What's this centuary coming to!" He then ran away shouting something along lines of "I'll see to it they kill those witches next time!" Of course, that's only what I think it was. It could just as easily have been "Hey me. You're fit! Say, give those b*tches sex, you swine!" Somehow, my common sense directs me to the first one. Ha! Common sense - good one!  
  
Phoebe picked herself up off her candy ass which she'd landed on. Think her lucky - Piper and Prue landed on their faces, which consequently got smushed up. Prue looked better than ever!   
Moaning, Piper got a rock and used it to beat the bone that was protruding from her her leg, back into her flesh. It was an experience she'd quite like to have again!  
  
They somehow knew the way back to the cave where the witches lived.  
  
* * *  
  
Back the manor, Darryl was at present pacing around the attic. It was well boring, so we'll see why the Charmed Ones are actually there!  
  
* * *  
  
Cole sniffed. "Look, these witches are quite strong, well, a little bit anyway."  
  
The big evil witch lady looked at him. "Look, you, we gots to kill this baby as soon as it pops out, right? So why don't we kill the pregnant woman too?"  
  
Cole sighed. "Because we have to do it the most boring and complicated way!"   
  
* * *  
  
"Where are you from?" the Ava asked politely.  
  
"Where're YOU from?" Prue accused, and got bitch-slapped. Aww. It's times like this when I wish Prue hadn't died. In retaliation, Prue stuck her finger in Ava's... bullet wound (you dirty...) which resulted in Ava howling like Phoebe when she hasn't had sex for two days.  
  
"Woah woah woah, what're you doing?" Piper stared at the little woman with the big poker-hot poker. Makes sense that it was poker-hot, being a poker that was hot and all.  
  
The little woman looked at Piper like she was totally stoopid. Well, I can understand that. "Cauterising the wounds!" Oh, sorry - did I forget to mention Ava got shot? Oh, right, well... she did, okay?  
  
Phoebe put her hand up. "What does cauterising mean?" Everyone looked at her like she was some sort of retard. Oh, wait - never mind. Nobody replied. I think it's because they didn't know either. Idiums. Mind you, I don't know...  
  
Piper went off on some speil about not knowing magic but knowing some other sort of crap, and ten minutes later, they finally began to look after 'bleedin Ava'.  
  
* * *  
  
'Back at the manor' (I think I've made that sentence a cliche!), Darryl was now presently getting strangled through a keyhole, until Leo decided to finally try to be useful and went to help him by orbing him out. They disappeared, god knows where to, but they were in a rather dodgy position when they orbed out so let's not follow up on that okay?  
  
* * *  
  
Now the Charmed Ones had rescued the pregnant lady (Look, if you can't remember when that happened, I DID write it, I swear - you must've blacked out and missed it, okay???) they were pissed off because she'd decided to have the baby in the middle of that goddamn field. What's more, the witch-hunters had decided, conveniently enough, to search for them in that exact spot. What a surprise!  
  
They were presently deciding (they seem to decide a lot here) who was going to deliver the baby, and both were ganging up on poor Piper.  
  
"We know for a fact that you're gonna have one in the future," Phoebe said, laughing inside about the fact that she already knew their future would be different from how it'd been when they time-travelled into it. For starters, she had Cole. Well, she didn't have him yet, but she was working on a potion, okay? Anyway, also, she knew that Prue died sometime. She'd had a premonition where Prue was gone and they'd had this stoopid, ugly, pasty-faced, bug-eyed, lollipop-shaped head with a dent-in-it's-chin idium. With a stoopid name, Phoebe couldn't remember it, apart from the fact that it started with a 'P' and rhymed with 'road rage' or something bleurgh like that. Phoebe realised that she'd just completely zoned out and hadn't been paying attention for the last ten minutes.  
  
"I always get the messy jobs," Piper griped, always the one to find something to moan about. God, inconsiderate hoe! There's someone having a baby on the floor!  
  
They set to work, Phoebe began chucking bits of apple left right and centre, hitting Prue in the kidney several times. She and Prue began to chant randomly some words they somehow knew off the top of their heads.   
  
Piper had a baby. Oh, I mean she delivered it!  
  
Then the witch-hunter doods began shooting at them. Missing, of course.  
  
"Why are they such bad aims!" Piper moaned, wishing this whole sordid affair was just over - the baby was crying and she was covered in blood and yech!  
  
Phoebe took the broom and stuck on the hat. "I'm going to embrace the cliche" she hopped on the broom and began flying about, cackling like some sort of buffoon. Oh, wait.   
  
The evil witch hunters (hey they're not evil - they're just misunderstood) all buggered off in 'terror'. Phoebe truely was having a great time, until Harry Potter flew in on HIS broomstick and knocked her off. She lay, crumpled on the ground as he landed beside her.  
  
"Bitch!" he shouted, "we had the understanding that I was the book and movie deal to fly broomsticks, not some shoddy second-rate show like YOURS!" He threw some stuff at her, then flew away. Aw, what a sweet guy!  
  
* * *  
  
Back at the cave, the Charmed Ones had somehow known the way to get there once again. They talked to the not-so-pregnany lady for a while.  
  
"I promise my daughter will know of you," the not-so-pregnant lady said. Prue grimaced at having this blob of human know who she was.   
  
"Great," Prue said, "Another fan." Inside, she was jumping about being crazy, thinking 'oh my god oh my god someone who'll know me but never meet me in person so will think I'm great and not know what a crap person I really am!'  
  
"What'cha gonna call her?" Piper asked.  
  
"Melinda Warren." said not-so-pregnant lady. Piper bitch-slapped her for not naming it Piper. Then she realised something and said it. Wow!  
  
"I think we're related," she smiled.  
  
Prue looked horrified. "We better not be! Look how ugly it is!"  
  
Phoebe giggled. "Well now we know where Prue got her looks from!"  
  
Prue had never looked more enraged in her life. Except from that time when... oh, and that time... oh and - oh, screw it - Prue was enraged. She was about to lunge for Phoebe when the portal opened, and the girls began making those retarded noises they do so frequently. They got sucked through. It's maybe better that they didn't hear little Melinda Warren laugh for joy that they were finally gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Leo and Darryl were conveniently being strangled as the sisters returned. They'd already vanquished a Grimlock, but the other had made Leo drop the second potion. Prue had obviously thinking of something cool to say for a long time, about 400 years (drum roll, please) because she said "Hey haven't I vanquished you somewhere before?"  
  
It was a little weird, because the same thing happened as what happened the LAST time they'd vanquished the Grimlocks: one got vanquished but then somebody dropped the potion for the second one, smashing it. Then as it looked like all hope was lost, Prue saved the day by TK'ing the potion off the ground and onto the Grimdood. Hmm, haven't we seen this before? God I remember that time, Piper fell down a hole - for real!!! Maybe I'll tell you the story of that one day, one day. Anyhoo, once again, the day was saved, thanks to Prujo-Jojo!   
  
They went to P3.  
  
* * *  
  
Piper had got a nu-metal band to play P3, who hit Phoebe continually over the noggin with their guitars. It was comical. Prue spent 17 minutes spouting off about the lesson they'd learned, and for once Phoebe not only paid attention, but understood and agreed with what Prue was saying! She added in to the conversation, before getting bored.  
  
"So much knowledge, so much power that we lost. And I just don't care!" Phoebe flounced away and jumped into some random guy's arms.  
  
  
*I advise you readers to use the PAGE DOWN button when reading this next part*  
  
  
"And I got to help deliver our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, 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great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother." It was past four AM by the time Piper had finished her sentence. And she didn't realise that she was totally wrong, unless all her grandmothers before her had had kids when they were about five years old.  
  
Micah wandered over to them. "Hi," he said to Prue, "I don't mean to be nice or anything, but I've been watching you all night."  
  
Prue looked absolutely delighted, but he hadn't finished his sentence.  
  
"Wondering why you didn't die 400 years ago!" he yelled, flailing his arms about, smacking Leo, who appeared out of nowhere, several times. Prue smiled at Micah, and they walked away, tail in tail (don't ask).  
  
Cole came in wearing a big fluffy angel outfit. Phoebe wished it was pink. She skipped over to him and told him so.  
  
"I'm no angel," Cole said straying completely from Phoebe's point, but silently pleading for her to just go away!  
  
"That's okay," she said, "I'm not either." This could have been quite a cool-ish thing to say had she not ruined it by saying "see, cos if you look at my costoom (look I even added in the accent!) you'll see I'm a witch! Hey, Cole, did you know I'm a witch in real life too?" she continued chirruping on, but Cole just slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes. This was gonna be a long night.  
  
  
THE END.  
  
Oh, by the way - if some of this story jumped about a lot and didn't make much sense, then it's not me, it's you. And I know it's crappy. Ah well.  
  
I'm just cheesin I was right about Piper!  
Still can't believe what Paige said... grrrr.  
Prue lives!  
kt 


End file.
